Joke No 1 : A man went to the doctor complaining about Er*ct!le dysfunction…
A man went to the doctor and told him that he was having trouble maintaining an erection. After a complete exam the doctor told the man that the muscles around the base of his p*n!s were damaged from a prior viral infection and there was nothing he could do for him.
However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he were willing to take the risk. The treatment consisted of implanting muscle tissue from an elephant’s trunk in the man’s p*n!s.
The man thought about it for a while. The thought of going through life without ever experiencing s*x again was just too much for him to bear. So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty or adverse effect on the elephant, the man decided to go for it. A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to use his newly renovated equipment.
As a result, he planned a romantic evening with his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the city. She was leaning over the table in a low cut shirt, and sure enough he began to feel very uncomfortable. To release the pressure, he unzipped his fly. Suddenly his p*n!s emerged from his pants, went to the top of the table, grabbed a roll, and retreated into his pants.
His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly smile on her face said: “That was incredible. Can you do that again?”
With his eyes watering, he replied: “I think I can, but I’m not sure if I can take another dinner roll in the ass.”
Joke No 2 : a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.
On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.
The certificate was for a consultation with an traditional healer, who was well known to have a very good naturopathic cure for Er*ct!le dysfunction!
As he despised western medicine, believing the conspiracy theory that they only represent the interests of big pharma, he consulted with the traditional healer.
The healer gave him a potion and with a strong grip on his shoulder warned,
This is a powerful medicine.
You take only a teaspoonful, and then say ’1-2-3.’
When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want.”
The man thanked the healer and as he walked away, he turned and asked, “How do I stop the medicine from working?”
“Your partner must say ’1-2-3-4,’ he responded, “but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon.”
He was very eager to see if it worked, so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, “1-2-3!” Immediately, he was fully erect!
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, “What was the 1-2-3 for?”
**And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.**
Joke No 3 : A guy had an Er*ct!le dysfunction and went to the doctor…
the doctor gave him a little pill and told him:
“Take this the next time you drink a coffee with your wife nearby.”
Four days later the man again visits his doc:
“Doc this didn’t work out. I did like you told me. Coffee with wife, take the pill! I immediately noticed the effect and teared my shirt off. I laid my wife on the table and we had the best s*x of our life.”
Doc:”So what is the problem?”
Man:”We can never go to that McDonalds again!”
Joke No 4: I asked my wife
I asked my wife if she felt my Er*ct!le dysfunction has improved since I got on meds…
She said I’ve got room to grow.
Joke No 5: A Man Goes to the Doctor About His Er*ct!le Dysfunction
“Doc I can’t perform in bed and it’s killing my dating life.”
The doctor replies, “I have just the thing,” and hands the man a bottle of pills. “These will allow you to get an erection, but only when lying on your back. Just tell her she should be on top.”
The man agrees to try it, desperate for any solution.
He comes back to the doctor a month later, beaming. “It’s a miracle, my s*x life has never been better!” He thanks the doctor and leaves with another prescription.
Later that evening the doctor heads to a bar downtown. He sees his patient sloppy drunk, alone at the end of the room. He approaches him.
“Wow, I thought you’d be busy at home with another woman, what happened?”
“Well you see,” he hiccuped, “she stood me up.”
Joke No 6: black guy has Er*ct!le dysfunction
Whats it called when a black guy has Er*ct!le dysfunction?
Black c*ck down
Joke No 7: programmer with a small dick
What do you call it when a programmer with a small dick and Er*ct!le dysfunction jacks off but doesn’t let himself cum?
Microsoft Edge
Joke No 8: Bull has Er*ct!le Dysfunction
Farmer tells a veterinarian that his bull won’t mount the cows because of E.D. The vet says that’s easy to fix the vet walks over to a cow sticks his hand in the cow’s privates and takes his wet hand and rubs it over the nose of the bull. The bull immediately gets excited and mounts the cow. The same night the farmer who’s also suffering from E.D. is laying in bed with his wife and thinks to himself I wonder if this would work for me. As his wife is sleeping he sticks his hand in his wife’s privates and then he rubs his hand all over his nose and suddenly he’s erect. He tells his wife honey quick wake up look. His wife turns on the light and says really you woke me up for a bloody nose.
Joke No 9: My doctor asked me
My doctor asked me how my s*x life is with Er*ct!le Dysfunction
I replied, “Ever try playing pool with a rope?”
Joke No 10: librarian and Er*ct!le dysfunction
I asked the librarian for the latest book on Er*ct!le dysfunction.
She tapped the keys to her computer keyboard and said..
“It’s not coming up!”…
I said..”Yeah!…that’s the one!!